Sit Your Ass Down

Theme 6 | Winter 2020-21

We mean that in the nicest possible way

A warning to self-correct. A welcome after an inexplicable absence. A preamble that you best tuck in for a lesson. Generally a greeting, it can be used in parting — that is if someone’s going for reinforcements to help handle you. One brief but doughty phrase capable of so many shades of expression — sit your ass down.

Every language seems to have its take:

•“Siéntate el culo!” they augur in Spanish.

•“Tangutu tungaiku ki lalo” they threaten in Tongan.

•“Sizt dein arsch hin!” they bark in German.

•And “Anasini satayim,” they menace in Turkish — though this phrase roughly translates into “Do what I say, or I’ll sell your mother into slavery.”

Maybe we’re just sick of people standing up and standing out. Maybe we think there’s real value to sitting, paying attention, and learning from what may emerge. Let’s see if we’re right. Go ahead. Sit your ass down. Swipe or click and see what unfolds in this, Stoneslide Media’s sixth production.

Background image: “Sitting Waiting,” Photo by Nick Thompson, Flickr Creative Commons https://tinyurl.com/yxorwkbz

Unlimited

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Granted, we just drop in on them. My dad isn’t expecting us, and he’s hustling in his labored, jerky way to tidy for guests. This room has become my mother’s entire world. She eats there, she sleeps there, she watches TV there. It’s more cluttered now than it was on our last visit. My mom tours the house when my dad leaves on errands. She gathers up items that speak to her on these tours and brings them into the room to surround her. I spot a few Madame Alexander dolls, several stacks of past Christmas cards from family and friends, baby pictures, and pictures of her parents. On the mantle, she has hung a few outfits from the 70s, which she saved in upstairs closets because “things always come back in style.” She even has a wig on her side table.

She’ll leave the room also to sneak wine in the evening and occasionally go to the bathroom — though from the smell of the room, she’s taking full advantage of her adult undergarment. And changing it less and less.

[Read more…]

The Apocalypse Trajectory

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“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

—Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

As I ease along toward my mid-fifties, having borne witness to a great many atrocities committed in my name, and as I currently witness a transition from the blundering, brutal fascism of President Trump to the smugly violent neoliberalism and imperialism of President Biden, I am tempted to dismiss King’s statement as hopelessly naïve. Not only is that quote a curt paraphrase of a more nuanced idea, it has likely also been used for cynical or misguided rhetorical purposes more times than I am willing to count. Even liberal commentator Chris Hayes has his doubts:

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Sit Down and Ride

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There’s nothing left on earth that’s more evocative of my dad than his wheelchair. I always had a complicated relationship with my dad, and now I have a complicated relationship with that chair. 

He spent years fine tuning it to his needs. The cushion on a stalk that supported the back of his head was raised and tilted. The angle between the seat back and the flat part of the seat was increased until he didn’t feel like he’d tumble forward out of the chair, but not so far that he felt like he’d tumble backward out of the world. The armrest that held the joystick and control panel was positioned at just the right height so that when he reached out, his stiffened hands touched the controls, and he could move himself through the first floor of the house. He went through several seat cushions and experiments in foam toppers before he found the one least likely to give him sores from sitting all day and all night in the chair.

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Sitting Ain’t Just about Taking a Seat

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Medical Note: My name is Annabelle Schultz. I’m a licensed speech and language pathologist. I met Patient WK in 2017. He was an 85-year-old black male who suffered an ischemic stroke which caused him to fall naked down a flight of steps, landing in his home’s foyer. He lay unassisted for three days till his mailman heard his cries through the mail slot. I was dispatched to Patient WK’s home after his hospital discharge as part of his outpatient-services team. My job was to assess and improve his speech and language skills.

Quickly, it became clear that Patient WK did not need my services. His speech was flowing, flowering, sharp, and colorful. He easily pulled up both long- and short-term memories and showed no impediments whatsoever. But Medicare kept sending me out, so I kept going.

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Present Like a Bro

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Stoneslide would like to propel junior executives clamoring up the corporate ladder with a business tip they won’t get at Ross, Haas, Kellogg, or Sloan. Liberally use “Sit your ass down” during any meeting you’ve been selected to lead. It’s the latest in business jargon so you can add muscle to meetings.

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New Tool Helps Businesses Take a Stand

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The political polarization in America has come to affect even the one area of society that used to unify us: shopping. Ingraticorp, a consumer market-research and development company, has launched an innovative product to help businesses navigate the newly tempestuous reality in the wake of the 2020 election.

The new Take a Stand™ is a large digital display that owners of all sorts of retail businesses can place in their shops to show that they agree with their customers’ politics—whatever those politics might be.

[Read more…]