Stoneslide would like to propel junior executives clamoring up the corporate ladder with a business tip they won’t get at Ross, Haas, Kellogg, or Sloan. Liberally use “Sit your ass down” during any meeting you’ve been selected to lead. It’s the latest in business jargon so you can add muscle to meetings.
[Read more…]Editors
Recent writings:
- Sit your ass down
- Sit your ass down
- Sit your ass down
- Sit your ass down
- Where’s the bathroom?
- Smoothly your psychology, @$300/hour
- Glee over a coworker’s paper cut
- Unwanted designs on your supervisor’s job
- A good intention equipped with its own/a paving shovel
- Unwillingness to compromise, ever
- Dear John/Jane letters
- Shockingly precise insults
- Eviction notices with change-of-address forms attached for convenience
- Subpoenas sponsored by Wilkins and Barra, discount criminal-defense attorneys
- The results of your genetic tests (If you’re still alive.)
- Regret at how you raised your kids
- Sadness over how your grandchild is being raised
- A sense that you’ve wasted your years/time
Top Five Phrases Every English Learner Needs to Know
By The Editors
New Tool Helps Businesses Take a Stand
By The Editors
The political polarization in America has come to affect even the one area of society that used to unify us: shopping. Ingraticorp, a consumer market-research and development company, has launched an innovative product to help businesses navigate the newly tempestuous reality in the wake of the 2020 election.
The new Take a Stand™ is a large digital display that owners of all sorts of retail businesses can place in their shops to show that they agree with their customers’ politics—whatever those politics might be.
[Read more…]Herringbone! Herringbone!
By The Editors
This weekly drama will consist of a 70-something, white male born and raised on the Eastern seaboard of the United States staring at one of his favorite herringbone blazers, suspended by a hanger.
[Read more…]Apocalypse Storytime
Sure-Fire Vaccine!
By The Editors
The virus can’t get you if you stick your head in the sand.
Five Things You Can Do Right Now Instead of Panicking about Coronavirus
By The Editors
1. Eat a donut. You want one. You’ll enjoy it. And strengthening the pleasure pathways in your brain will help you focus on what’s really happening around you rather than your fears. Also, the additional fat stores may help you survive a day or two longer.
[Read more…]Incremental Reports
By The Editors
30-year-old Gabe Trampelgong and his 28-year-old brother Tom had leg wounds that discharged pus at wildly different rates. Medical personnel measured 30 milliliters coming out of Gabe each hour, and 9 milliliters coming out of Tom. Their fevers were similar, 38.6° C and 38.5° C, respectively. Gabe washed his car with Dawn dish soap, and Tom used Griot’s Car Wash.
Mark Me as a “Maybe.”
By The Editors
The Constitution. Are we bound to it if we didn’t sign it?
Sisters<---->Brothers
By The Editors
(interviews with eight-year-olds)
Having a sister is about farting on her.
Having a brother is about hugging him.
Having a sister is about hide-and-go-seek.
Having a brother is about fighting with him.
Having a sister is about her annoying me.
Having a brother is about rounding up for a fight and maybe him giving me his Xbox.
Hero or Villain?
By The Editors
antivirus software
red lipstick
PINK lipstick
bucket lists
wellness shots
ethics
CaaS
Excel spreadsheets
higher consciousness
The United Nations
wearables
cops
[Read more…]
Marketing Team “Pitch” to the APA
By The Editors
“When you walk out of a psychiatric hospital without your shoelaces, we’re your people.”
Tip #11 for First-Time Managers
By The Editors
When you have a pair of Dearfoams® on, nothing you say is going to be taken seriously.
Nature Holds No Sway
By The Editors
Princesses don’t even have to go to the bathroom. They just sit on their wonderful chairs all day.
— 5 yr old J.P.
The Real Heroes
Drones — Now Delivering!
By The Editors